I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
