puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
