I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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