when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
