They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
