So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize