Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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