just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
