Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
