that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
