Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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