I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think your dad took our porno
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
