dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
