By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
