Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
