Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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