you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
