I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
