All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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