i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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