You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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