she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
