Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
