I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize