I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
