We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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