I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
