I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
