I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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