Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
