He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
