You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
