Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
