..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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