also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
