my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize