I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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