i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
