I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
