I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
