If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
