Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
