on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
