I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
