the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
