I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
