Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
