dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
