If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
