You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
