My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
