also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
