On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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