worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
