You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
