I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
