Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
