she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
