dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
