You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize