She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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