I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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