It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
