Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
