Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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