i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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