My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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