I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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