Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize